I was playing Rock Band with my cousins recently, two of whom have the misfortune of having a Rush fan for a parent, when 9 year-old Justin and I got in an argument.
Him: Neal Peart is the best drummer ever.
Me: {laughs}
Him: Yes he is.
Me: What do you know?
Him: I know he’s the best drummer ever.
Me: Ok, name one other drummer.
That turned out to be game, set, match. His older brother named one: “the drummer from Guns ‘N Roses”.
Cornell West (speaking about Sarah Palin’s intelligence): She’s not on the Dean’s List.
Bill Maher: She’s not even on craigslist.
Classic
I generally don’t like to blog about the little things that happen in my life. We’ve all seen those ones, and they’re tedious to read, and probably tedious to write. But last night, something happened that made me say “that’s why God gave us blogging.”
I was in a Denny’s (which could be a post in and of itself) when I overheard quite possibly the most ridiculous thing any human has ever said. It was a very large body-builder type guy. When the waitress asked him what he wanted, he said “Do you got any food for these muscles?”
There’s not much I can add to that one. I will say, though, that the waitress, whose picture is probably shown in the Wikipedia entry for the term “3 dollar skank”, was even offended. She hid in the back for the rest of the time because she thought he was hitting on her.
The off-strip casinos are like a fat girl. They’re just so grateful when you pay attention to them that they’ll give you pretty much anything.
Me: "I want to have one of those deaths that people talk about for years. After I die, I want people to say ‘I don’t know how he managed to kill those three lions with his bare hands before the shuttle exploded’…"
Ethan: "…but boy were those two hookers tired."
Priceless.
In the security check line:
Woman: So we know they’re all somewhere between Pakistan and Afghanistan.
Man: Yeah. That’s where they are.
Woman: So here’s what we do. We pass out a flyer saying “if you’re normal people get outta there cuz we’re gonna nuke the place.” Then we just clear it the hell out.
Man: exactly.
Cell phone conversation overheard a few minutes later at Starbucks.
Woman: I’m here at the airport. I’m at Starbucks waiting for hot water. They always give me hot water for free, I bring my own tea bag.
After that it was screaming babies all the way to Florida.
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Me: Is [so and so] going to the wedding?
Friend: I don’t know. He’s an alcoholic.
Me: Well, there will be an open bar.
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Friend: I fixed that bug in [very expensive software].
Me: Which bug?
Friend: The one that makes it stop working after 30 days.
Me: I don’t think that’s a bug. I’m pretty sure they did that on purpose. It’s a feature.
Friend: I looked in the documentation and couldn’t find anything about it.
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Hard to argue with that logic I guess.
