The Pope Is Such A Buzzkill
Just in case you were having fun at any time in the last few decades, or hoping for any life-saving drugs in the next few, the Catholic Church recently decided that seven deadly sins wasn’t enough and updated the list for the first time in 1,500 years. Here’s some of the stuff we can’t do anymore:
Genetic modification is now officially verboten because we all know that the Bible, a book that claims the world is flat, clearly states that altering DNA is out. I think it was Leviticus 10:13 that described amino acids and the ATP synthesis system.
Polluting the environment is out now too. I guess they should stop signaling the Papal election by burning a tire.
Becoming obscenely wealthy is on the list, but becoming ridiculously wealthy is still presumably O.K. No word on becoming only moderately wealthy by selling obscene materials though.
Causing poverty is a sin, which is bad news for the last few Republican Presidents. “Mr. Lucifer, tear down this wall of fire.” We can safely say no Democrats will be winning any elections in Hell for a long time, unless maybe the War in Hades drags on for a few millennia.
And my personal favorite from the list is taking drugs. Music sure must suck in heaven if that one’s correct. The thought of an eternity full of gospel and country makes me want to go burn down a church full of babies and old ladies. If there’s a just and loving God, he’d let Jimi Hendrix in no matter how much acid he dropped.
December 4, 2008 at 8:20 am
I agree. The Pope is a buzkill, and a fraud. The Caths can keep changing their dogma because it was never rooted in truth. This reminds me of the time the Pope overruled his own 'no meat on Fridays' rule during lent because St. Patty's day happened to fall on a Friday that year.
However, your off-hand comment that the Bible claims the Earth is flat doesn't give proper respect to the literature and the devices it uses.
December 4, 2008 at 10:37 am
Who do you think owns more land: The Pope or Ronald McDonald?
Just something I've always wondered. Ronnie pays taxes, a big disadvantage, but they both have a strangle-hold on brainwashing children into their brands.
May 29, 2009 at 2:45 am
Was a good read. I'll be back for more.
June 6, 2009 at 2:50 am
Interesting post. I have made a twitter post about this. My friends will enjoy reading it also.