It's Over, and Now We're Really Screwed
If there’s one emotion that everyone on both sides of the political divide shares, it seems to be relief. We’ve been hearing about this damned election for almost two years, and we all can’t take it anymore.
Except me, I’m going to miss it. Yeah, it’s nice to not worry about how Obama or Biden might blow it. And I’m overjoyed at the thought of Sarah Palin and that frostbitten armpit of America she hails from fading back into obscurity. I’m even hopeful she’ll take Joe the Plumber with her.
But this election was holding back the one thing I hate more: Christmas. That holiday has been creeping so far up the calendar in my lifetime that I’ve been wondering when we’re going to have pre-lit trees in stores all year round. We’ll have day-after sales until right after New Year’s Day, and then on January 2nd they’ll start rolling out the wrapping paper all over again.
I’ve been walking into Paneras and Targets for the last month and enjoying the lack of the same five shitty songs running on a loop, and now that the election is over, that’s what we’re all going to be dealing with. Instead of hearing the word “maverick” ten times a day, now we’re going to hear Jingle Bell Rock, and that is not change we can believe in.
November 5, 2008 at 12:27 pm
Best Day After Election piece I've read. EVER!
November 5, 2008 at 1:30 pm
Absolutely, bah humbug!
November 7, 2008 at 3:49 pm
Amen to all that … went to Costco the other night and got lost in a sea of ribbons and lawn ornaments. Ruined my trip.
November 9, 2008 at 12:55 pm
I agree with your premise, and especially with your disdain for the annoying musical loop, but as a big fan of consumerism and shiny objects in general, this is my favorite time of the year. Perhaps you need to begin reselling 10 and 15 cent items for seven dollars to really get into the season.
November 10, 2008 at 1:27 am
The Christmas holiday is the only thing that makes retailers profitable, so it makes sense for them to lengthen the Christmas shopping season as much as they possibly can. Within 10 years, I expect Christmas displays to appear in stores by mid September. Hell, the official Christmas shopping season will probably start the day after Labor Day at some point.
Valentines Day will likely follow suit. Expect to see VD displays (the abbreviation definitely fits the holiday) the day after Christmas. Easter displays will happen the day after Valentines Day, and so on and so forth. There'll probably be like five days out of the year where stores aren't hitting us with some holiday theme.
November 11, 2008 at 10:52 am
Yes, Joe the Plumber and small entrepreneurs like him who employ over half the people in our economy can fork over 70% of their marginal income to the government and stop complaining about it.
I will enjoy not having to choose between hicks and socialists any more. It is relaxing to just rail against one of them, instead of both.
November 11, 2008 at 11:35 am
Joe doesn't employ anyone, and he's 6 tax brackets away from paying even half of 70%.