An Open Letter To Parents Everywhere

Dear parents,

I’m not one of you, so I won’t pretend to understand what it is like to be one. I don’t know what it’s like to see your child suffer and want to help or prevent that. Pretty gut-wrenching and enormously stressful I’m sure. And I know you probably mean well.

But don’t take medical advice from Jenny McCarthy, or, for that matter, any Playboy Bunny, past or present. Take medical advice from doctors. They go to school for 6+ years, then do 3 years in residency. Jenny McCarthy went to school for a year or two, then got breast implants and dropped out. Doctors have, at their fingertips, the collective knowledge of thousands of years of medical science. Jenny McCarthy has the collective knowledge of a door handle and a piece of lint.

I’m not sure what’s a bigger tragedy, that children are born to someone dumb enough to believe there’s a link between autism and vaccines even though every piece of evidence suggests otherwise, or that children are born to someone dumb enough to take medical advice from a stripper. Or maybe it’s the resulting outbreak of measles, a disease previously eradicated from the first world but which is causing even the children of parents smart enough to know that Jenny McCarthy is a useless bitch to get the disease as well. I’m going to go with door number three.

I guess it puts the whole global warming “debate” in perspective. It sounds ludicrous that people would pay attention to the scientific opinions of Bill O’Reilly, but compared to those who take medical advice from someone whose breasts can be seen on Google Images, those people are fucking Einsteins.

Love,

Someone Who May Have Kids One Day and Doesn’t Want Your Dumb Ass Causing Them to Get Measles

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3 Responses to “An Open Letter To Parents Everywhere”

  1. Justin Hensley Says:

    First, great post. You are now officially the first-blog-of-the-day for me.

    It seems to me that the criteria for people buying into the irrational “logic” of people like O'Reilly and, in your example, Jenny McCarthy is that they:

    1) WANT to believe what they are hearing from these clowns. They don't look at things with an objective point of view.
    2) aren't the sharpest knives in the drawer

    There are people out there who genuinely don't want to think that they might have to change their lifestyle to save the planet, or that maybe you CAN fix a condition that existed prior to the 20th century by eliminating vaccines (???).

    Why are late-night get rich quick schemes still on the air? Because people still believe the bullshit that is contained in them.

    I have to admit, when someone starts parroting to me about what BillO or [insert non-credible source here] says about a subject they have no business injecting their opinion on, I lose a little respect for that person.

  2. Clint Murphy Says:

    Read/Heard that there might be a link between the vaccines and Autism, but given the risk of contracting MMR, didn't really even bother looking into it – our son is 4 months old and has been in for his shots twice and believe he will have his final shots at 6 months.

    Crazy to think that people would skip this because Jenny said so or even because it was rumored. There would have to be direct scientific evidence along the lines of “If your son takes these shots, he has a 15% chance of being autistic, but if he doesn't he has a 1% chance of getting MMR”. Barring that – shots please!

  3. mattmaroon Says:

    Yeah, fear is a powerful thing I guess.

    Interestingly, it sounds like much of the confusion comes from the fact that autism diagnoses and final vaccinations occur (apparently coincidentally) around the same age.

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