Maroon, the Ultra High Level Programming Language
I’ve been joking with friends for years about a programming language I’m going to invent. Inspired by numerous recent events, I decided to post it on elance last night and have it designed. Here‘s the link to the project for anyone who is a member, but for those who aren’t, here’s the project description:
Essentially what I need programmed is an Ultra High Level Programming Language, which I will call Maroon. That’s right, I’m naming my programming language after me, just like Bob Pascal did.
Anyway, the idea is to allow non-programmers to create dynamic, rich applications, web or desktop based, in as little time as possible and without troubling themselves with learning how to program. I tried picking up a programming book, but there was all this crap about if/then statements and something called a variable in the first chapter. That’s lame. Ideally someone should be able to write an entire web site in just a few lines of code.
With Maroon, you say what you want your program to do, and that’s what it does. No objects or methods necessary. For instance, someone who wanted to make an online auction site might write the line
“Clone eBay.”
And they’d have a perfectly working one. Or, if they wanted to customize it a bit, they might say
“Clone eBay, but use Google Checkout instead of PayPal.”
I’d like to do this for a fixed price. I’ve been saving my pay checks for this for three months (thank you Target) and only have a certain amount I can go up to. I’d like it to be written in either Python, PHP, Fortran, or Javascript.
I joked on Hacker News that some Indian firm would claim to be able to build it for $1,200. I woke up this morning to two bids for $1,000.
So I guess the problem now is what do I do? I mean, with this program I could clearly take over the entire universe, by just putting into it “Write a program that makes all other programs not work” or “Clone one of those machines from the U.S. mint that makes twenties.” And it only costs $1,000.
On the other hand I was just joking about the job at Target. I’ve been self-employed (which is a euphemism for unemployed) for over 6 years. So I’m willing to sell 2% of the project (and, therefore, 2% of the world after I take it over) for $1,000. Really that’s only giving the entire universe a $48,000 pre-money valuation, which I think is quite generous.
February 27, 2008 at 11:55 am
Of the two bids, one is from a German company and the other is from a US student. I suppose the take away is that you'll stop berating Indian firms?
February 27, 2008 at 12:24 pm
“Write a program that, given the code from another program, determines if it will halt.”
February 27, 2008 at 12:41 pm
Great joke I've been needing a laugh all day.
February 27, 2008 at 1:12 pm
Isn't the language already called *elance*?
I've already seen lots of code written in elance like this:
'clone ebay'
'clone hotornot'
'clone match.com'
Just a few lines of code and a valid credit card is all the language requires.
February 27, 2008 at 2:08 pm
I'd love to see you drop the $1k, just to see what they come up with. The first time it doesn't work (“clone HotOrNot, with a mix of AdultFriendFinder, add Twitter feeds, and Sit&Go PokerStars strip poker tournaments”) you can request a refund.
February 27, 2008 at 2:39 pm
Who is berating? I love Indian programmers. I had the original version of Rakesucks.com built by them for $1,500.
February 27, 2008 at 2:40 pm
A year ago I would have actually. Usually they require some % up front, and the rest on completion.
Unfortunately nearly a year of working on a startup rather than something that generates income has made $1k (or some fraction thereof) a little more dear to me.
February 27, 2008 at 2:41 pm
If so it's the only programming language that requires a credit card. Imagine if rails needed your Mastercard number in a config file to work.
February 27, 2008 at 10:26 pm
You'll have the world for $1000, but then you're gonna have to pay taxes to God, and that my friend is out of the question, even for indian programmers.
Cheers, I really enjoyed your post!
February 27, 2008 at 10:38 pm
What's the tax rate in heaven? I was hoping it would all be consumption-based in the afterlife.
February 28, 2008 at 5:43 pm
This computer already exists – it's called brainz.
March 8, 2008 at 11:33 am
“Clone one of those machines from the U.S. mint that makes twenties.”
Matt, you'll never get rich by thinking small. You should be cloning the machine that makes Ben Franklins.
April 9, 2008 at 9:14 pm
funny post!
Er, at least, I hope it was meant to be funny.
April 10, 2008 at 7:47 pm
I am an Indian programmer and I found your post hilarious….basically your whole site is immensely readable.
April 10, 2008 at 9:13 pm
Thanks!