MattMaroon.com

I’m starting to hate Facebook. Seriously. For a long time I loved it. It’s like MySpace, but minus the “come see me naked on my webcam” spam (one nice thing about the subprime collapse is at least the mortgage spam has dried up), the two minute page load times, the annoying songs that play when the page finally does load, and the backgrounds that make text illegible. In fact, it was pretty much better in every conceivable way. Until they added apps.

Apps have ruined the whole site. Before it was like, you were hanging out with some friends, and maybe the topic of Facebook came up. And one of their douchey friends was like “what’s your email, I’ll add you.” So you’d give them your email, because what else are you going to do, and they’d friend you, and that was probably the end of it. Then a few weeks later, you’d unfriend them and hope they didn’t notice, or that you just never saw them again.

But now there are Facebook apps. So when your douchey friend of a friend adds you, they then proceed to bite you turning you into a werewolf, a vampire, a zombie, or some other mythical beast that just happens to spread memetically. Then they give you a few fish for your aquarium, a garden with a tomato plant and a mouse, a free gift (some crap like a pool floatie that you wouldn’t even use if it were real) and update their mini-feed to let everyone know that they’re going to the Green Day concert and they’re so excited. And all of their douchey friends do the same, bombarding your mini-feed with crap you don’t care about.

And you can’t just give said douches a fake email, they’ll just think “oh, he probably just forgot which email he uses there, I do that sometimes” and then find you on your mutual friend’s friends list. And you know you have to accept, because what if you see them again (and maybe there are some hot chicks in their profile to look at anyway) but can you maybe get away with only letting them see your limited profile? I mean, you def don’t want anyone you don’t really know who is already trying to bite you into zombieness getting your phone number, but then what if they’re like “dude, why did you limit me?” That could get uncomfortable.

Facebook should have an annoyance filter. Then I can get my mini-feed back to what it should be. All I want to see is when a friend adds another friend (in case it’s a hot chick, obv), when someone sends me something, and maybe a birthday or two.

Also, if Word auto corrects the word “douchey” to the word “douche” one more time, I’m throwing this laptop out the window.

This entry was posted on September 4, 2007 at 4:44 am and is filed under Stuff That Pisses Me Off . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed Both comments and pings are currently closed.