I Hate Libraries
Chris: What’s a library, dad?
Peter: Oh, it’s just a place where homeless people come to shave and go BM.
-Family Guy
Freakonomics asked the question yesterday “who could possibly hate libraries?” My question is “who could possibly not hate libraries?” There’s nothing likeable about them. They’re crowded. They’re full of smelly homeless people. They smell like a dead rabbit with a body odor problem. They’re basically a giant subway car that goes nowhere, but with books full of things you either don’t care about or could find on Yahoo.
It’s hard to find the things you want, in the rare instances that they even have them. There are public computers everywhere with random perverts looking at porn and touching themselves. And, worst of all, they’re full of used books, which are pretty much my least favorite thing on earth. They paper cut you every chance they get, and any of them over a year old have picked up that stale vomit smell that comes from thousands of random people putting their greasy, filthy hands (and god knows what other body parts) all over them. I can’t really think anything that makes me want a tetanus vaccination more than a copy of A Midsummer Night’s Dream in any public library.
Amazon and Google are probably my two favorite websites, and the reason I love both of them is that they combine to ensure that I never, ever have to go to one of those god-forsaken hell holes again.
September 5, 2007 at 4:23 pm
Libraries suck but I love bookstores.
I could just hang out at one all day, just breaking into the new hardcover spines and getting all up in that new book smell.