Archive for May, 2007

I Solved the Global Warming Debate

Posted in Me Thinking So You Don't Have To on May 25, 2007 by themaroon

Reading the latest post about global warming on Scott’s blog (yeah, we’re on a first name basis now) reminded me that I’ve been meaning to post about that topic for a long time. I’ve come to the conclusion that the answer to this question is pretty simple, and you don’t even have to know the first thing about science to find it. You just have to know human nature.

Whenever there is an issue this complex, you can’t trust the extremists on either side. They’re motivated largely out of fear and/or profit, and their viewpoints are never very firmly rooted in reality. The answer usually lies directly in the middle.

With global warming you have two extremes, the environmentalists and the oil companies. The oil companies are motivated by profit. The more people drive Hummers, the more they make. So they, being the experts at lobbying and propagandizing that they are, spread a bunch of obvious bullshit about how the scientific consensus has not been reached (it has) and how global warming occurs naturally (which is true, but not like this) and that’s what would have caused any effects we would be seeing if we were seeing any, which scientists do not agree on. The Republican Party loves those Halliburton dollars, so their sock puppets say retarded things like “all of the science isn’t in yet”.

On the other hand are the rabid environmentalists. These people are motivated solely out of fear. Fear of losing cute, fuzzy polar bears, or poor countries being unable to grow crops, or Hollywood not being able to produce any more documentaries with Morgan Freeman narrating. They spread their propaganda too, which is that unless we scrap every SUV right now we’re all going to die. They’re really not any closer to the actual scientific consensus than the oil companies are, but they do a better job of faking it. Fortunately for them everyone fears doomsday whereas only a small portion of us own Exxon stock, so in the end they will triumph.

The reality, as always, falls somewhere in the middle, as does scientific consensus. Global warming is occurring, and it’s caused largely in part by us. It is a problem and it needs to be addressed. It is not the end of the world, and is not threatening to destroy life as we know it in the next twenty years. Except, maybe, for those cute, fuzzy polar bears.

If forced to take a stand I would probably have to support the environmental extremists. Their end may not justify the means, but it might come close, and that’s far more than can be said for the oil companies. You have to convince a good portion of the population that the fate of the planet is in jeopardy to get people to change even the small amount necessary to reverse this trend.

This is one of the few times I’m actually in favor of government regulation, because without it corporations will go green, but they will do it ridiculously slowly. They won’t have a choice because unless all of them are forced to do it, it will be cost prohibitive. The new, cleaner technologies can not only be more environmentally friendly, but also cheaper. That can only happen if economies of scale are leveraged, though, and right now an oil company that does go green will make considerably less profit than one that doesn’t. It’s an economic prisoner’s dilemma, and their only rational decision is the wrong one.

FeedBurner

Posted in Startup on May 24, 2007 by themaroon

Techcrunch is reporting that Google is buying FeedBurner for $100 million. I think they’re getting a hell of a deal on that one. Put it this way, if God said to me “Matt, I’m going to let you own one of two website, FeedBurner or YouTube, which do you want?” I’d tell him to give me FeedBurner without hesitation. Then I’d ask him why he created The Scorpions. Rock You Like A Hurricane is why I’m an atheist. A just and loving deity would never allow that shit to happen.

RSS is exploding like Al Gore’s waistline, and nobody except maybe Google (whose Reader is phenomenal) is in a better position to take advantage of that. Burner’s usage has more than tripled in the last year, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they do it again in the next.

As far as I see it, the blog is the internet’s killer app (sorry pornmongers, you had your day) and the RSS feed is to it what the mouse is to the computer. It’s not necessary, but you sure as hell wouldn’t want to go without it. On my poker blog the feed accounts for more than half of my traffic. I can’t imagine what it is for more tech-themed sites. On this blog it was the vast majority for a long time, though since getting a few high traffic links that’s changed a bit.

FeedBurner being bought by Google might suck for me. I was actually about to join their ad network. I honestly don’t care for AdSense, at least for my poker blog. It pays crap for us gambling-themed authors. I’m sure it’s alright for people who write about some other topics, but for what I’ve historically written about it’s a bigger disappointment than the Cleveland Browns. Amazon affiliate revenue has been much higher for me, which is especially surprising given the literacy rate you would expect amongst poker players. I’ll slap some AdSense on here at some point and see how it compares, but I don’t expect much to come from it.

What will be nice is if they integrate FeedBurner with Google Analytics. It does kinda suck having to look at the two separately. Being able to track them together would be really nice I guess, and in the end I’ve always preferred the ability to be lazy to making money anyway.

Overstock

Posted in bidness on May 23, 2007 by themaroon

I’ve been reading more about this nutbag Patrick Byrne’s war against naked shorting. I’d heard about it from Mark Cuban’s blog long ago, but didn’t realize how crazy this dude really is. He believes there is a vast, market-wide conspiracy wherein people are using naked shorts to drive down his company’s share price. So he spends what would appear to be the majority of his time fighting against the “Dark Sith Lord”, as he calls him, who is orchestrating it all. His use of that term in this particular context isn’t really surprising, given that he apparently has a hard time distinguishing between bad fiction and reality. He’d make a great Scientologist.

I’m no expert on what corporate executives should be doing with their time. My corporation only consists of three people, so though I am actually a CEO, it’s mainly just a technicality. My actual job is as unexecutive as they come. Today I even printed some business cards from my little inkjet. I bet a lot of people at the helm of Fortune 500s do that, right?

But if I were a real CEO, I would be going about his problem in a very different way. Naked shorters are betting that your stock will sink, and I really can’t think of any better way to make it do so than to expend a significant portion of your energy fighting Sith Lords. I’d just work to make my company make more money. If Overstock managed to crush analyst estimates for the next few quarters, everyone involved in the conspiracy would lose their mortgages. It’s not possible for a group of people to hold down the price of a company that’s on fire. The market is just too overwhelming, they’ll just get steamrolled.

So I’d just do everything I could to double my company’s profits in no time. That has the added benefit of making yourself and your shareholders a boatload of money too, which, in reality, is what you’re supposed to be doing anyway. So if there was a conspiracy it would be destroyed, and in the more likely case there wasn’t, well, I’d at least get some CEO of the year awards. And I would have the honorable distinction of running the first publicly traded corporation to have the line “Suck it, bitches” in their quarterly statement.

The World Is Ending

Posted in bidness on May 21, 2007 by themaroon

As someone who considers capitalism his primary spectator sport, I watch the goings on amongst private equity firms with interest. Not because I have anywhere near enough money that any of them would meet with me if I were interested in participating, but because, well, it’s kinda fun. You enjoy football, I enjoy mergers and acquisitions. The only difference is that one day, I might make some money off of mine.

Anyway, one of the bigger firms, Blackstone Group, boggled my mind not too long ago by filing for an IPO. A private equity group, that uses private money to buy public companies and take them private in hopes of fixing them up and taking them public again, is about to go public. I’m not really sure because most of my physics knowledge comes from the Back to the Future trilogy and a really bad Jean-Claude Van Damme movie called Timecop, but I’m pretty sure they could tear a hole in the space-time continuum with this one. So I’m going to have downgrade that one from a “Buy” rating to a “Don’t Buy Because It Might Unravel The Fabric Of The Universe.”

I’m a Modern Day Shaw

Posted in Dialogue on May 21, 2007 by themaroon

 

Me: Is [so and so] going to the wedding?

Friend: I don’t know. He’s an alcoholic.

Me: Well, there will be an open bar.

New Dog Training Technique

Posted in Stupid Shit I Found On The Web on May 17, 2007 by themaroon

So this one is both sad, from a humane perspective, and a hilarious, from a “what the hell is that guy thinking?” perspective. Apparently Michael Vick was running dog fights at his house. I know the jury’s still out (actually, it hasn’t even been formed, nor has there been a charge filed) but I’m ready to convict.

He says he doesn’t go to the house very often, and that his relatives stay there and were possibly training pit bulls. Police found blood all over the pavement though, making me wonder exactly what dog training method they’re using. I read a few books and a dozen articles on the net on that topic before I brought Link home, and they all seemed to suggest that if there’s blood all over the floor, you probably should reconsider your strategy. And you might think that Vick would see a garage with blood stains all over it and at least ask why they were there.

Note to self though, don’t let any relatives who might run dogfights watch the house while I’m in Boston.

Hilarious Conversation With Friend About Free Software Trial

Posted in Dialogue on May 16, 2007 by themaroon

 

Friend: I fixed that bug in [very expensive software].

Me: Which bug?

Friend: The one that makes it stop working after 30 days.

Me: I don’t think that’s a bug. I’m pretty sure they did that on purpose. It’s a feature.

Friend: I looked in the documentation and couldn’t find anything about it.

 

Hard to argue with that logic I guess.

The World Just Became A Much Better Place

Posted in Opinions You Would Agree With If You Weren\'t An Idiot on May 15, 2007 by themaroon

Rev. Jerry Falwell, perhaps America’s most notorious hatemonger, has passed away. Lest we be tempted to eulogize, as we so often are in times like these, I offer the following quote about 9/11:

“I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America,” he said. “I point the finger in their face and say ‘You helped this happen.’ ”

This man did more to make America a worse place to live for a large portion of its population than perhaps any in recent history. And he made Tinky Winky cry. I’m pretty sure that if there is a God, right now Jerry’s finding out just how badly he misinterpreted His message.

Google Fanboys, Unite!

Posted in Me Thinking So You Don't Have To on May 5, 2007 by themaroon

Every now and then I talk to current or former Google employees. I’m starting to wonder if they are all brain washed the moment they get there. If you don’t believe me, just bring up the YouTube topic with one, you’ll see.

I’ve had multiple Google employees tell me that YouTube was not the worst acquisition ever, and they all also swore that it was not only not a money sink, but a currently profitable subdivision. I think it’s a company line. I picture a white-robed woman passing out pills to employees as they walk in the door. “Welcome to Google. YouTube makes money.”

None of them have been able to explain to me how a site with $15 million in revenues that paid nearly $500 million to the major media conglomerates upon acquisition could be profitable. I’m certainly no accountant, but I don’t think even the guys from Enron could manage to spin that as making money. Hell, even if they dodge this bullet with Viacom, which they won’t, they’ll probably spend all of 2007′s revenues on lawyers. That and their rumored $1 million per month in bandwidth costs alone.

And I certainly don’t claim to be a lawyer, but a lot of people who are seem to think Google’s claim of Safe Harbor under the DMCA is ludicrous. For a great explanation of why, flip through Mark Cuban’s archives. Having tons of copyright violations on their website prevents them from selling advertisements in the videos as well. Given their bandwidth costs, never ending legal woes, and the extraordinary price of paying some of the media outlets not to sue, YouTube, as much as I enjoy it, is a site that will never do anything but hemorrhage money. And even if I’m wrong, it’s a site that’s currently at least $400 million in the hole.

Ok Google fanboys, have at it. The Apple fanboys rehashed the same poorly-thought arguments in the deluge of comments to the last post. Now it’s your turn.

Why The iPhone Will Be A Flop

Posted in gadgets on May 3, 2007 by themaroon

 

I love Apple fanboys. They never stop drinking Apple’s Kool-Aid. See this latest piece in support of the iPhone. It’s wrong in so many places. Let’s examine.

The original iPhones will start at $499 and $599 this June.

Nope. It’s $499 and $599 with a two year contract. As Lewis Black would say, “big fuck difference”. The 2 year contract is so odious that it counts, for all intents and purposes, as an extra $100, maybe more, in the mind of customers. Every single person in America has, by now, been stuck in a two year contract they wished they could get out of, and they haven’t forgotten that. It also serves to make the item ungiftable, more on that in a second.

Look at what happened with the iPod, which started at $399 in 2001. The average selling price for an iPod in Apple’s just-reported Q2 2007 was about $160; a year ago, it was about $200.

True, the original iPod was $400, but it didn’t sell all that much, and there’s a very steep curve when it comes to price and popularity. Cut an item’s price in half and ten times as many people will buy it. The difference between $400 and $500 with a 2 year contract is tremendous.

Most importantly, because the iPod has no contract associated with it it’s a Christmas/birthday gift. In fact, it’s the gift. What percentage of iPods were given rather than purchased by the end user? From data I’ve found, it appears to be over 27% for Christmas alone. Count in other occasions and we might be over 40%. That’s enormous. Not many people have the means to give someone a $500 phone and pay the contract for two years.

There’s a difference between “phones” and “smartphones”. I have no idea how one draws the line, but a good rule of thumb is that smartphones are expensive and regular phones are free (with plans) or very cheap. Apple isn’t trying to sell 10 million phones by the end of 2008; they’re trying to sell 10 million smartphones.

The definition of smartphone is certainly murky, but I’m not sure the iPhone counts. I personally tend to think of a smartphone as one that appeals to businesses. The iPhone has no corporate appeal whatsoever. It doesn’t have push email that any corporate user could want. No big business uses Yahoo for their email or ever would, unless they come up with something similar to BlackBerry Enterprise Server. Leaving data in another corporation’s hands is understandably unpopular. And it doesn’t have a dedicated keypad, without which typing emails cannot be a very good experience. Even if their touch screen is significantly better than any that came before, it’s not going to be good enough.

Maybe I’m the moron, but the way I see it, if the iPhone’s initial price is wrong, it’s too low, not too high.

Maybe, if that 499 is in pesos. If that’s USD dollars and you think it’s underpriced then yes, you are the moron.

There are millions of people who have already spent $399–599 on an iPod within the last few years. With the exception of storage capacity, the iPhone does everything these iPods do, and, well, a whole lot fucking more. Why wouldn’t these same people think about spending $499 or more on an iPhone?

Are there? Where are those stats? And how many of them had 4 gb of storage?

And have ten million of them at those prices sold in eighteen months? I doubt it. I’d be surprised if there are ten million people total who’ve spent that much. And again, there’s a whopping difference between an item that costs $499 as a giftable standalone, and an item that costs $499 with a two year cell-phone contract. And a 4GB iPod that costs around $200 and anything that costs $499 with a two year contract aren’t in the same ballpark. They’re not even in the same sport.

Think about how much people would spend on a next-generation iPod that does everything the iPhone does but without the phone: Wi-Fi networking, camera, full-size touch screen, OS X with email and web browsing. Apple could (and might) sell that for $499.

Not really, especially if it only has 4 GB and doesn’t play DivX. The people who could pay $500 already have far better email and a passable camera on their Blackberry. And once again, there is a whopping difference between $499 and $499 with a two year contract. You can’t ignore the difference repeatedly; doing so destroys your whole argument.

I really do think that the biggest disconnect between iPhone fanboys and reality is the two year contract. They talk about the phone as if it’s a $499 iPod. I can’t stress enough the fact that it isn’t. It isn’t giftable. And it’s really considerably more than $499, which nobody is paying for 4 GB of storage. Make it 60 GB and we’ll talk.

Why worry about the iPhone’s appeal to corporate IT?

It’s big and bulky. It’s not a gift, so the only kind of people who can reasonably afford it working in corporate America. Those who would want (and could afford) this phone already have a Blackberry, and because iPhone uses some crappy Yahoo email, they can’t give up their Berries. And because of that, they don’t have room in their pocket for a large media player and they don’t need a phone. Why wouldn’t they just buy an 8gb Nano and call it a day?

The iPod isn’t marketed to businesses and Apple has sold 100 million of them. The iPod is marketed to people, and the iPhone is, too. RIM sold 2 million BlackBerry devices in its most recent quarter; Apple sold 10.5 million iPods in the same period.

Any phone that costs $500 (with a 2 year contract, once again) might not be specifically marketed to businesses (though the push email tells me the iPhone will be) but that’s pretty much the customer base.

And there’s a huge, fundamental difference between these two markets. Businesses, typically, want to buy the cheapest things possible for their employees to use. When buying for themselves, people want to buy the nicest things they can afford.

Is it me, or is that the exact opposite of reality? Businesses often pay twice as much for the same things consumers (who sign contracts to get phones for free) do. People are generally cheap, businesses are not. I know a lot of people in corporate America, and they all joke about how even $50,000 servers are signed for without a question asked. And Blackberries are not cheap by any means, but they’ve viewed as the nicest device in their niche.

If you want to see how ridiculous that fanboy article really is, copy it into word and then go through it and replace each instance of $499 with “$499 with a two year contract”. Do the same with $599. You’ll see immediately why I’d gladly bet the under on 10 million iPhones sold by the end of 2008.

Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of cool things about the phone. But it has way too many warts to be a hit. It doesn’t really have a niche, and it doesn’t create one. It sort of straddles a few, but it doesn’t allow you to replace the devices in that niche. And it costs far more than a Moto Q and a 4GB Nano. It’ll sell a couple million units to the many people who have wet dreams about Steve Jobs, and that will be about it.

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