New Diet
What the hell is up with vegetables these days? With all of this E. Coli going around I’m considering becoming strictly carnivorous. Being an omnivore is getting a little too dangerous for me. From now on when I eat a hamburger I’m going to use chicken patties for buns and bacon instead of lettuce. Let’s hope Burger King really means it when they say they’ll make stuff “your way”.
Apparently the last batch of tainted lettuce came from Taco Bell. I’m amazed that someone actually figured out what was going on. That means that somebody ate at Taco Bell, got sick, and thought “hmm, this is unusual, I better go see a doctor”. That guy deserves a Nobel Prize.
I definitely would not have been able to put two and two together there. When I eat at Taco Bell, which happens about as frequently as a full solar eclipse, I expect illness. I’ve been reading a little bit about the effects of E. coli and they sound about the same as the ones I get from Nachos Belgrande. In fact, I think they should have to clearly label the symptoms that their foods typically induce on the menu. Soft Taco Supreme: 99 cents and two days of explosive diarrhea. And instead of Mild, Medium, and Fire sauces they should have Tums, Pepto Bismol, and Penicillin.
The whole Taco Bell incident didn’t really scare me too much. I probably have a better chance of a being killed by telephone pole that fell on me after it was struck by an asteroid than of eating at one of those shitholes. But the previous one was a little close to home. I have bought that brand of bagged spinach dozens of times, and people in my area got sick from it. E. coli is unlikely to kill me, because as far as I know my immune system is a well-oiled machine, but it sounds so unpleasant enough that I might be tempted to do the job for it. I don’t handle stomach illnesses well and that sounds like one of the worst.
So from now on I have a new rule. If it wasn’t shot or boiled alive at some point, I ain’t eatin’ it. I might have to spend a lot of money on Lipitor, but that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.
December 14, 2006 at 11:42 am
This is the funniest thing I’ve read in awhile. Great stuff.
November 27, 2008 at 10:57 am
If you want to cut your calories , don't go for diet coke or something like that. Try not to take food having much fat . Another thing you should keep in mind is avoid potatoes and items made from potatoes like potato chips.