I had a symptom that I'll call a small heart attack.
I was in Sam’s Club yesterday and I overheard a snippet of conversation in the cleaning supplies aisle that blew my mind. It was one man, maybe 50 or so years old, talking to another, and out of his mouth came “I had a symptom that I’ll call a small heart attack.”
Take a moment to digest that. “I had a symptom that I’ll call a small heart attack.” What could it possibly mean? I’m pretty sure I should be able to come up with dozens of jokes about that one but I’m still too stunned by its stupidity. It’s up there with Lewis Black’s infamous “if it wasn’t for my horse I wouldn’t have spent that year in college.”
What’s the weirdest dismembered sentence you’ve ever heard uttered?
September 28, 2006 at 5:37 pm
symp‧tom  /ˈsɪmptÉ™m/ Pronunciation Key – Show Spelled Pronunciation[simp-tuhm] Pronunciation Key – Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun 1. any phenomenon or circumstance accompanying something and serving as evidence of it.
2. a sign or indication of something.
Small heart attack could be a symptom for a major heart attack or death.
October 2, 2006 at 7:16 am
yeah, but by that definition, any two things that correlate (even very weakly) become symptoms of each other. So “not showing up for work” is a symptom of death.
I prefer the conversational definition, and I bet Matt does too.
October 3, 2006 at 12:30 am
One that comes to mind is “Move that fucking watermelon, I can’t get it into third”.
Fuck Lewis Black is funny. I like this one, kind of topical.
“The reason you should go to Las Vegas is because, for only the second time, the second time, ever, they have rebuilt Sodom and Gomorrah. It’s back!! And you have the opportunity to see it before it turns to salt. And you wanna get out there before the Christian Right finds out what we’re up to and shits all over it.”